Filling the Void
One evening recently I heard myself saying that I was only living a fraction of what my life could be. I could feel it in my body. But what the hell did that mean?
How could my life get bigger? Where did I need to expand? Where and how was I being pulled to fill this void that is the space that we are to take up in the world?
Well, as of about 12 hours before I was filling the void with sugar, and fear, and much energy was being given to how my partner was living his life.
I had managed to get my daughter up and off to school with breakfast and lunch, I dropped off a long dead printer at the electronics recycling place, had gotten my glasses adjusted, worked for several hours for an interior design colleague, had a leather crafting lesson and went to a counseling session. My lunch was a juice and two Square Bars. My dinner had been a KIND bar.
Oh. And I had gotten a massage. That was what likely triggered the fine dining experiences I filled my day with.
I hadn’t seen my incredible massage therapist, Erin, in probably a year. I love Erin, and her work is life changing. I hadn’t been able to afford to see her. And in maintaining the stasis of my uncomfortably comfortable state of flux, I hadn’t been able to emotionally afford to see her – apparently.
So in the work with Erin that morning, she said that my body was stronger and healthier than ever. That energetically, I was ready to step into the world, but that there was gunk. Old residue. That I needed to cleanse. I needed to move the old, toxic, fear based clinging residue out of my body so that I could show up fully in the world and be that self that is the greater fraction of me.
This, of course, promptly prompted the sugar binge. I knew what she was saying to be true. I knew that I was finally on the verge of stepping into who Source intended me to be on this planet.
There is so much bounty in my life. I have an incredible almost-teenage daughter who brings a smile when I think of her. I have the love of a really great guy who keeps showing up. I have a lovely little home – with sunshine streaming through the very dirty windows.
I do have a very healthy, strong body. I have plenty to eat and really incredible friends. I have time and freedom and work that I am enjoying.
Most importantly – and the thing that I forget most easily – is that I have faith in a Higher Being (the Universe, Nature, Intuition...) that will show me the way beyond being the fraction that I have been.
We all can have that faith. Sometimes we call it “knowing”, but we often misplace it. We shove it in a back pocket and forget about it.
We all have this gift that is with us, always, and everywhere – if we just remember to pull it out. And remember that the void that sugar (or alcohol, or social media, etc.) fills is empty soon enough.
And then we are left with us. That fraction of us.
What if today, we make the choice to listen to that still small voice, the greater knowing, that will truly fill and sustain us?
Today, and ongoing.