I am Expecting! Pregnant with Possibility.
For those of you who know me, you've witnessed my journey through these past 4 1/2 years since I've sold my business, Haiku. OMG, bless you for still being here.
It's been a journey of fits and starts, apparent dead ends and aborted missions. It's been a trip filled with yearning and searching and beseeching God - Please show me where you want me to go, what you want me to do! Daily prayers to be of service in the manner that serves the highest good.
Entrepreneur that I am, I'd land on an idea – a seemingly brilliant idea. I'd flesh it out. Do my research. Build a business plan. Locate the pieces and the players. Create a great deal of momentum and excitement for myself, only to slam into a huge brick wall!
Of course, having done this repeatedly, I've been extremely self-incriminating.
What is my problem? Why can't I make a go of anything? Am I just so afraid of success that I'm sabotaging myself at every turn? Or, am I just gun-shy because of my previous experience with the hell of building a business to a level that was way beyond my expectations, only to be buried by the immense weight of it?
It is been a painful process of what seems like great possibility, that then crashes and burns over and over again.
What I have said more quietly along this path, is that perhaps each of these “failed” attempts have been stepping stones. Without fully realizing it, I've been creating a path to the other side of my understanding.
Each of these attempts at creating something new have been pieces of the larger puzzle. A puzzle with an image which can't be seen until you shift your focus and pull out Google Earth style to see the bigger picture.
I so berated myself for not being able to get it together, for not being able to figure it out. But it's all been a part of the plan.
In the journey of life, on the way to having a child, there are sometimes miscarriages. I have certainly had a few of those – attempts to birth something before it was ready.
But I am guessing that, just as a woman recognizes that she is pregnant, that that knowing fills her to the point where she can relax into the process and trust that soon, it will be time to give birth. That although she will definitely have to push, sometimes beyond what she thinks she can bear, but trusting in nature, in God, in the natural Divine course of events; that her child will make its way into the world.
Just so you know I am expecting – and trusting – in the development of these bundles of joy. Oops! I just used a plural there. Yes, it may be twins, or triplets.
None of us knows yet what these tiny beings will look like, but soon they will be poking their little heads out (sorry!) to reveal themselves to the world. More will be revealed (Ha!)